you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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