yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
