just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
