My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
