My brain says no but my pants say off.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
