if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
