that's an acceptable place to lick
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
