this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize