Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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