i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
