Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
