he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
