but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
