Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
