Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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