Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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