So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize