So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
