I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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