I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
