just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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