Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
