those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
