It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
