from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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