Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
