'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize