2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
