The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
