i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
