I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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