can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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