I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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