She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
