RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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