Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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