Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
