You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
