Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
