I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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