he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
