hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
