So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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