Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
