his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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