Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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