Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
