Can Purell be used as lube?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize