Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize