This house was built for laser tag.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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