tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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