i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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