I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
