drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
