i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
