As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
