My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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