We won't sleep together?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
