Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
