There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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