remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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