my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
