I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
