Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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