My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
