Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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