you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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