i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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