I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You need Xanax blowdarts
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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