I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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