Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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