i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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