my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
