I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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