You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
