Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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