Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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