What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
