i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
