I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
