Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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