and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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