hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize