I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
