i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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