When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
